Mindfulness, Technology, and The Loss of Our Humanity

I believe our habits here on our browser, on Reddit/Facebook, and on our phones and apps are directly connected with our meditation practice, our attempts to bring mindfulness into our lives, and consequentially, this tempest comes together to shape our moment-to-moment experience of being human in 2017.

I’ve attempted to explore these connections, hopefully to draw lines between our habits around technology – your habits, your meditation practice, and the fullness and clarity with which you live your life.

I suspect if you could hop into an average mind from 1950, you would notice some substantial differences from your moment-to-moment experience today.


Nearly all beings – animals and humans – have conditioning.

But we have the ability – the space – to see our conditioning and choose something different. This is the grand achievement of the prefrontal cortex… To select our own direction and make it so – when most animals don’t. An angry animal barks or bites, and changing behavior is a matter of re-conditioning. But humans? We have this unique power – the ability to reflect on our behavior and put steps into place to change ourselves over time. We have the ability to play the trainer and the puppy to ourselves.

Lately I can’t help but notice all the ways technology is undermining this aspect of our humanity- this more recently evolved hardware which seems to be our real “elevating” asset.

It seems our habits around technology undermine our prefrontal cortex quite directly:  how we interact with our phones, browser tabs, news, tv, and more literally rewires our minds in a way that undermines our ability to choose how we deploy our attention. 

I believe we can sense this intuitively, but to see it being backed up by research is important. Let me repeat the point:

The hardware in the brain that allows humans to be human is being undermined directly by the habitual, addictive manner that we engage with technology (information stimulation). We can see this both experientially and scientifically. 

This directly impairs our ability to be self-aware, to understand ourselves, and direct our own lives. And this hugely consequential, in both big ways and small.

My favorite basic and cliche example in our culture of the difficulties the lack of awareness can cause is seen by picturing a TV archetypal High School jock:

Our imagined young guy is into “guy stuff,” but one night he’s clicking around on Youtube, finds some Taylor Swift, and begins dancing in his room. Suddenly, his sister bursts in and they both freeze. A moment of complete silence and non-motion from both family members, time seems like it may have literally just stopped. But then suddenly, like hitting play on a paused movie, the young guy and brother goes 0 to 60: “GET OUT, YOU BITCH! You never respect my privacy!” He proceeds to go to his google chat and then his phone to text, complaining to his friends about how is sister is literally the worst.

If we were to ask him about what’s going on, he would report anger. But, growing up and becoming an adult means growing our understanding of ourselves. In this context, most adults today have grown up, having built the requisite self-understanding to know EXACTLY what’s going on: he’s actually insecure and embarrassed, and using anger (as many do, especially men in our culture) to avoid feeling insecure.

This is simply a single scenario. But I believe, scenarios only slightly more sophisticated than this are being played out unnecessarily across our culture, in our homes and workplaces due to our own lack of skill and self-understanding. And – importantly, our ignorance precipitated and trained by an ever growing ubiquity of technology. We are systematically training ourselves to weaken the muscles of understanding and self-regulation… We are systematically training minds which, by habit, fall into ignorant, avoiding patterns.

This connection – outside of the scientific literature – is difficult to see unless you have personal experience with a meditation practice, with technology addiction – or both.

However, I believe (I hope) that any can look into this carefully and see … see undeniably that our relationship to technology is one of the most compelling, consequential issues of our time and for our species.

Growing Wisdom or Growing Power?

Our society can grow simply in power: bigger guns, bigger bombs, better tech, etc. We can become the “gods” that the Marvel or DC Comic depict (powerful, immature children).

Or, we can grow up. It’s possible (and actually, a common situation) to have incredibly powerful politicans, incredibly skilled athletes, intelligent scholars, and even heroes on screen who operate with complete immaturity like our High School senior.

What good is power, when it is wielded by a directionless fool?

It has been great folly of our society to conflate the two – or perhaps more accurate to say, to simply only value power (usually intellectual power) so completely and unilaterally.

As far as I’ve seen, most children are raised by children in adult bodies – never matured much past that of a High Schooler. Most of us don’t come into contact with someone we can say is truly wise, and most of us never come into contact with a living manifestation of a wisdom tradition. In fact, just reading that sentence might seem a bit “woo-wooey” to many. This, to us, seems like something reserved for the “Dumbledore” archetype characters – reserved for works of fantasy and fiction.

As far as I can tell, secular wisdom traditions are more accessible than ever. Technology in its various forms seem to be actively working against… preventing us from even recognizing (let alone integrating) this knowledge.

As one teacher said, it takes wisdom to see wisdom. One cannot understand intuitively the insecurity in our High School senior, if one had not traveled the same path path, finally understanding their own insecurities more clearly. Bring another peer to the situation and they will simply commiserate over their “awful siblings.”

A parent, feeling their anger, worry, and frustration and acting instead out of compassion, patience, and love, cannot be understood by a wining child in front of them. Instead, the parent might simply seem like a tyrant.

Sometimes, we play this compassionate parental role for each other, our peers. We choose not to act on our anger and frustration and instead put it down, trying to mend a relationship with a friend or make up from an argument. Sometimes we can see this attempt in the other, and this (mutual) recognition itself is a pathway to reconciliation.

So, we can safely say at best we are *sometimes* in a position recognize wisdom, more likely rarely.

And, as I’ll argue below, our near constant use of technology undermines both our ability to manifest and recognize wisdom.

Technology, Future Me, and Wisdom

First and more simply, we can see that technology trains our attention in a certain way – hijacking our reward systems to diminish our ability to direct and sustain attention in a intentional, conscious way. If interested, make a cursory google of “dopamine + internet” demonstrates (some books, such as the Shallows, go into more detail).

This is all very useful, but I am particularly interested in a different side, of this problem – the experiential side of always getting our way.

That is, after all, all we’re doing when we’re opening new tabs furiously, binging Netflix, or reaching down for our phone unconsciously.

Some in Zen tradition have called “picking and choosing mind.” Let me explain.

We want something when we act, otherwise we wouldn’t be doing it. We are looking for a feeling when we open a tab, reach for our phone, turn on Netflix. And before we do this action, craving occurs. It’s as though we get a brief taste of “it” and seek more.

When we habitually become powerless to this craving, we call it addiction. But unfortunately, our culture fails to see how our habits are all interconnected. How our habitual choices and habits with our use of tabs, Reddit, YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, or Phone, video games, news, etc – influences our entire decision making process. Our ability to sit still on a meditation mat, our ability to hold attention on a task at work or school, our ability to do something uncomfortable to achieve our life goals is one in the same with our Reddit habits, or social media, or whatever your poison is.

Many things in my life I have wanted to do and failed – to establish a new habit, to learn about something which took effort, to grow a skill – and it has all taken effort.

In all of these cases, my failure to execute my desired change in my life can be broken down into many smaller decisions:

If I wanted to stop playing video games so much and instead dedicate more time to meditation, each failure was a simple moment:

  • When the thought came to mind to go meditate (or whatever you want to do that is not yet a habit), my mind was met with an “ugghh.” It feels uncomfortable. My brain puts up a fight.
  • And when the thought comes to mind to go play video games (or whatever it is you habitually do for pleasure), my mind gets an “oooh, ahh!”

My failure, then, is my inability to face this feeling, and feel it completely, and in the heart of this storm choose the thing I really want.

Have you heard of the marshmallow experiment? it’s quite popular by now:

Kids were told to wait 20 minutes with a marshmallow in front of them, and they could get two. And this test was hugely predictive of life success. And what did the Marshmallow Test require of a successful kid? The ability to feel the discomfort of “wanting” for a few minutes.

In my own life, I feel as though I am faced with this test throughout my day. When I want to get my way, when my inner brat, when my inner “picking and choosing” mind wins, I give in to not feeling bad (or seeking the good feeling) and choose something immediate, temporary, over the bigger thing. The thing I really want.

I started paying attention to this muscle as if it were a thing unto itself – across habits.

And I started noticing something: it was as though this force came up ALL over the place: It fought back against my efforts to improve my workouts, to become more productive at my projects at work, to meditate more, to cook more complex recipes, to be better via some of my own habit patterns in my interpersonal relationships – EVERYTHING.

It was as though I could see a single common thread across it all: I was – as a matter of habit – turning towards “that feels nice” and against what I knew to be what I really, actually wanted.

This has far reaching consequences – try this oatmeal experiment and see for yourself.  When your mind doesn’t like something, there’s a lot of habit momentum behind that preference.

In meditation (I’m a Zen student), meditation often means seeing these preferences and impulses and… not moving. Seeing the tempest rage as the silent awareness – the clear sky holding it all. There is a tremendous, indescribable shift that occurs when we step outside of being the storm and start to see the storm. A certain ease and happiness arises, and a sense of new freedom to choose what we really want seems to manifest.

But, this seems to harshly, starkly contrast with my experience – and addiction to – information stimulation. For me, personally, that’s Reddit, email, browsing tabs, video games, and online show watching (like Netflix), and more recently political media/news.

Instead of seeing my impulse and making a CHOICE, I find myself unconsciously moving, not even noticing when “I” decided to reach for my phone, open my browser, or make the decision to put on a show. Furthermore, I’ve sensed an incredibly strong correlation, a powerful pattern across time periods in my life:

My own control over my technology habits seems to exist whenever my meditation practice is strong, my interpersonal relationships healthy, and my work productive. As if it were a single muscle, when I weaken the “getting-my-way-like-a-brat” muscle it makes making the bigger choice not just more easy, but actually enjoyable. A certain momentum starts to appear.

And when I find myself spending more and more time in the aforementioned technological time sinks? Well… I find myself confused at my inability to do the things I want to do in the other areas of my life. Everything is more difficult. It takes effort and feels so difficult – just to say, clean up the kitchen.

What Does This Mean?

I believe our habit energy of indulging our technological stimulations sit at odds with our larger aspirations. Our idiosyncratic, personal goals – the stuff we really want to achieve – the way we want to grow – at odds with how we live and how we use technology.

It sounds like a trite, overtalked about topic at this point, but we obviously know that these tech companies, video game companies, social media companies are actively working to capture our attention. Video game companies employ behavioral to perfect “Skinner Box” techniques to manipulate users. Facebook and other social media companies employ teams of people whose only deploy algorithms to do nothing but keep you on site. To trick you into spending just another second longer there.

Sam Harris interviews a former technology ethicist from Google and they talk about how Google, Facebook, and others have teams of people who design “blind” algorithms to maximize our attention at any cost. This goes even beyond an algorithm blindly maximizing media that makes us angry, outraged, and hateful in order to maximize “time on site.”

In one amazing and horrifying instance, it is said that algorithms could predict bipolar episodes in people before there were any physical or medical symptoms detectable by a doctor. And knowing this, the algorithm could serve them content because they were more susceptible to feeling lonely or sad.

This is the strategy of every major information and social media company. This is not even an open secret. It’s just accepted that this is how it is. Accepted in an obvious, nothing is wrong sort of way that companies are actively strategizing on how to best tap into the older, reactive, unconscious parts of our brains. Strengthening our unconscious selves, reactive selves.

We know from neuroplasticity research that our individual brains literally rewire. Our species is literally being changed by technology en masse, to grow the reactive parts of our brain that encourage us to deny reality, to take sides in incredibly tribalistic and angry ways, to thoughtlessly live life according to our habits and not our choices, to live easily instead of wisely.

I’ve seen this picture before, but I always took it casually and as a partial joke.

But today I see there is a serious game being played that is already creating a divergence in our species in real, meaningful ways. The very thing that made us human – different from the animal kingdom – is being systematically diminished – perhaps removed.

I think this is why I’ve just been so fascinated by it lately – where is the army of people working against this force – in favor of the force to take back our lives, our culture, our society and politics and communities?

Deafening silence.

Some of us, in our various niches and disparate communities recognize some part of this  pattern in our own lives. These Reddit communities, for example, demonstrate how various communities are all sensing this encroachment and fighting back in isolated ways:

  • “Get Disciplined” – 220,000 subscribers
  • “No Fap” (Porn/Masturbation) – 236,000 subscribers
  • “No Surf” (Internet) – 8,000 subscribers
  • “Stop Gaming” – 12,000 subscribers
  • “Zen Habits” – 138,000 subscribers
  • “Anti Consumption” – 50,000 subscribers
  • “Get Motivated” – 12 million subscribers

Nearly all of the top 50 subreddits, unlike the list above, are designed to give you a quick hit of an experience you like. Whether delivering cute puppies in “aww” or funny jokes, or controversial news. Ironically, the one subreddit that can hang with the big boys that is also thematically at least, aligned with the others above is “Get Motivated.” However, its popularity is only due to the fact that a majority of its content are gifs and memes. It’s essentially a quick hit of dopamine like the others.

This is where the masses of our species play – and only a narrow percentage recognize – let alone fight back – let alone successfully – against this momentum of habit energy (collective and personal).

These communities however give me inspiration – they are made up of people who at least recognize and are looking for a new way. Filled with people – some at least – who found success –  who willingly tried something a little uncomfortable for a while and saw amazing results: more energy, more confidence, more concentration, and ease and enjoyment of life, etc.

There’s a lot at stake, and I think of it in serious, grave terms: It’s not just our social dynamics or tech habits – but the very experience of what it means to be human.

I don’t have answers and I don’t have action items. But this is where my attention is lately – within myself, and outside of myself across my peers and the rest.


An Open Letter to Phone-Addicted Friends and Family

I know we’ve talked about this casually before.

“Everyone’s addicted to devices these days.”

“The average human being now has the attention span of a goldfish”

But it’s more than that.

On the other side of every conversation we have is another human being with an experience as rich and complex as yours. Today I want to try to share with you what it’s like to be me, on the other end of things.

When your phone is out and you are impulsively reaching for it every few moments, it changes the conversation.

It become an arms race for the most interesting, most stimulating topic. I feel this weight, my mind urgently searching for something to keep your attention, otherwise I see your eyes start to wander. I see your hand reach for your phone, in the middle of my sentence. Like a child, I rush. I speed up.

There’s this feeling, like your self worth is only what you can come up with to entertain those in your presence, because you know they’ll turn away from you if you don’t… it’s one of the worst feelings in the world Disappointed Face on Google Android 7.1. To watch someone important in your life consciously or subconsciously – literally and physically – turn away from your face as you are talking…. Disappointed Face on Google Android 7.1… for this to happen again and again… all day long… in every moment we spend time together Disappointed Face on Google Android 7.1  Disappointed Face on Google Android 7.1

I know this might seem like a naggy pet-peeve, but for me, it’s as important as being kind to someone, being a good friend, being there for your people.

The alternative is actually hurtful. It’s the same feeling of worthlessness you might get if you asked a good friend for help in a moment of serious need, and you could feel their turning away from you when they text back, “nah, I’m busy.” Abandoned, simply because there’s something more interesting.

Being turned away from, big or small, is hurtful. And being turned away from as a matter of habit, well…


–  –  –


Maybe the next time we spend time together, we can silence our phones. Turn them off. Leave them in the other room.

What a relief it would be, just to be me, to have the space and time to really share who I am, instead of constantly trying to win the arms race for your affection attention.


P.S. – This is not just a think piece. Most of this was lifted verbatim from real emails and conversations.

Thoughts on the Meditator Ego

If your practice is good, you may become proud of it. What you do is good, but something more is added to it. Pride is extra.

-Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind

I started writing about the mind last year, but haven’t published a post in a while because some time ago I uncovered yet another layer of my meditator ego.

My meditator ego is a little sneaky, you see. Yours might be too.

I think we all start (or most of us start) as a humble beginner: “Ugh, I’m so bad at this meditation thing, *googles ‘meditation tips for beginners'”

But eventually we, we grow. We build concentration, have insights, and maybe even have some “cool” experiences.

  • At its most bottom layer, maybe we think to ourselves: “Wow, that guy is totally mindless, he needs to meditate.”
  • Maybe we think we’re beginning to get good at this thing. Maybe we start to tell others how awesome meditation is.
  • Or, maybe it’s just that we think we’ve learned at least a thing or two about the nature of the mind, and think about it with a certain confidence (or, write a blog/forum post).
  • Maybe it’s more subtle than that – maybe we now sit with an expectation of what’s supposed to happen, and seek to recreate it. We “know” how things are going to be, and so some part of us sits to get that thing or feeling.

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Beware of the Hazardous “I know things” Phase

Most of us interested in meditation and the world of the mind will spend a huge amount (if not a majority) of our time in an awkward middle phase.

This awkward middle phase lies somewhere between the beginner and the expert, and comes with one particularly insidious trap:

knowledge graph

As beginners it’s easy to admit to ourselves that we know nothing.

But as we advance our ego steps in – we’ve been doing this for a while… two weeks, two months, two years, two decades, two centuries (hey Yoda). So, hey, we feel like we know some things.

But are you really in the Expert phase (even if you just know something specific), or are you actually in the Hazard phase?

While the graph above isn’t exactly a scientific endeavor, it matches up with the psychology in this area. A phenomena known as the the Dunning-Kruger effect provides evidence for a common intuition: that people with partial information do a bad job at evaluating just how partial their knowledge really is. In other words, the less you know, the less apt you are at recognizing how little you know. And as you know more, your ability to fully understand your own ignorance grows. Or, in the psychologist’s language, the unskilled lack the ability to “to recognize their own ineptitude and evaluate their own ability accurately.”

In meditation circles, everybody thinks they know how it is. On Facebook, on Reddit, on Youtube, in person. “Conscious experience? I know something about that.”

And as someone who spends a lot of time thinking about and writing about this stuff, I get it. I fall into this trap on a regular basis.

I’ve revisited beginner techniques that I thought I’ve mastered, and have been truly humbled by the realization of how much power my ego had over my sense of “what I know.” I don’t want to be at the same place “on the path” in ten years because I was wrong about something I thought I knew.

So, do you know things?

Or do you “know nothing?”

If so, you’re in good company, standing right alongside Jon Snow and I. Come on in. Our minds our open, and we’re ready to learn.


How to Actually Make Meditation A Habit

meditation rocks

“This year I’m going to start meditating regularly.”

It sounds good, but in the real world we rarely follow through.

Maybe we meditate a few times and nothing exciting happens. Or we make some progress. But after a few days, a week, a month, we stop. It doesn’t become a regular part of our life.

It doesn’t become a habit.

If you want to get the benefits of meditation, talking about it with friends, reading about it on Facebook and Reddit, and meditating “every so often” is not going to cut it.

It’s time to start thinking about how to turn it into a habit, robust enough for the long run. We know meditation is a practice much like exercise (it only works if done consistently) – so treat it that way!

Today we’re going to abolish the casual: “ughh, I need to meditate more.” If you ever expected to evolve from a Facebook-addicted mind to a Zen master in a matter of weeks, this article is for you.

Meditation is amazing – it rewires our brain, literally building gray matter and undoing years of conditioning.

That’s why today I’m going to give you a blueprint to actually make meditation a part of your life.

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Why You Should Know the Difference Between Scribe Knowledge and Warrior Knowledge

Warrior Knowledge Vs Scribe Knowledge

Words often limit us in ways we don’t even know. That’s why I love words like schadenfreude – apart from just being plain fun to use, it helps illuminate the limitations of language itself.

The way we talk about things has a profound impact on the way we think about things – and ultimately – the decisions we make… even how we act without realizing it. Words are powerful, even when we don’t realize the power they have over us.

Today I want to talk about one instance where the power of words often secretly sabotages our mindfulness and meditation practice: the lack of a coherent way to distinguish between experiential knowledge, and intellectual knowledge

In the simplest terms, think of this as the difference between knowing what [the western version of] love is (scribe), understanding it through pop culture and worldy observations… and feeling love. Being in love (warrior).

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You are NOT your first thought: Understanding Your Dual Mind

thought light bulb

We usually think of ourselves as having one mind. You’re you. I’m me. We’re each one person.

But if you’ve ever set your keys down and realized you have NO idea where, weren’t sure if you left the iron/stove on, or skipped ahead and lost time because you went into “autopilot” mode during a commute, you should know your mind isn’t so simple.

Sometimes, our “observing” mind takes a back seat entirely. Othertimes, it’s there, but without any power:

  • You look back and get angry at yourself for watching TV instead of doing work. In fact, you feel guilty in the moment, but just keep going!
  • You rationally KNOW and WANT to exercise more or eat healthier, but when the time comes to make a healthy decision, you just can’t make it happen.
  • You know you need to start that big project, but… you will in an hour. Promise.

Most of us can intuitively conclude that something tricky is going on here.

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What’s the Difference Between Concentration Meditation and Insight (Mindfulness)?

concentration vs mindfulness (insight)

When I first started meditation, I simply followed whatever the guided meditation, book, or instruction I had in front of me.

I had no idea there were different types and categories of meditation, and that they differ significantly in their approach.

If you are working within a tradition – these distinctions and categories may be irrelevant. Learn from a legitimate teaching source completely, and just do it.

But many in the West are cobbling together and learning on their own, and may be conflating two common meditation techniques: concentration (or Samatha) and mindfulness (or insight).

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